The power of Skittles and Dew...
As mentioned yesterday, this weekend I went to Pennsylvania. I made pretty good time, but it would have been better if it weren't for the backup in Frederick.
I left DC about 2:00 (thanks to my boss for letting me cut out early!) and hit the road before rushhour took over. I was making pretty good time until I hit Frederick, where it became bumper to bumper for about 1/2 an hour.
Since I was making pretty good time, anyway, this backup didn't really bother me. What did bother me was the soccer mom behind me completely up my ass. How did I know she was a soccer mom? Because every so often she was trying to get ahead, and she'd jump over in the right lane in her yellow SUV and the cute little soccer ball on the back window. Gag.
And being the asshole that I am, and since she pissed me off by riding my ass for no reason, I would not let her around me. Look, I don't use the left lane if I'm not passing, or trying to pass. And I hate people that do. And I hate people that get up on my bumper when there is obviously nowhere for me to go.
Finally, traffic started to pick up some and people starting getting a good clip going. It was still a little thick, but things were finally moving. I was going along with the flow of traffic and soccer mom got behind me and started riding my ass. Again. I'm talking so close, I couldn't see the bitch's bumper.
So, being the child that I am (and believe me, I know this is childish), I hocked up a good loogie (skittles and mountain dew has mad loogie power), rolled down the window, and let it fly. Statistically, I should have missed her. But I don't think I did.
Why else would she whip around from behind me and give me the finger as she passed?
I laughed and gave her a little wave.
Drive safe, sunshine.
I left DC about 2:00 (thanks to my boss for letting me cut out early!) and hit the road before rushhour took over. I was making pretty good time until I hit Frederick, where it became bumper to bumper for about 1/2 an hour.
Since I was making pretty good time, anyway, this backup didn't really bother me. What did bother me was the soccer mom behind me completely up my ass. How did I know she was a soccer mom? Because every so often she was trying to get ahead, and she'd jump over in the right lane in her yellow SUV and the cute little soccer ball on the back window. Gag.
And being the asshole that I am, and since she pissed me off by riding my ass for no reason, I would not let her around me. Look, I don't use the left lane if I'm not passing, or trying to pass. And I hate people that do. And I hate people that get up on my bumper when there is obviously nowhere for me to go.
Finally, traffic started to pick up some and people starting getting a good clip going. It was still a little thick, but things were finally moving. I was going along with the flow of traffic and soccer mom got behind me and started riding my ass. Again. I'm talking so close, I couldn't see the bitch's bumper.
So, being the child that I am (and believe me, I know this is childish), I hocked up a good loogie (skittles and mountain dew has mad loogie power), rolled down the window, and let it fly. Statistically, I should have missed her. But I don't think I did.
Why else would she whip around from behind me and give me the finger as she passed?
I laughed and gave her a little wave.
Drive safe, sunshine.
Expunged by Stewie at 6/12/2005 08:15:00 PM
3 Comments:
This is where I'd drop some sexist comment about how it's a woman and they shouldn't actually be driving, BECAUSE they don't know how to drive.
I mean, if I was sexist I'd say that. I'm not sexist, so I'm not saying it. You sexist bastards out there know that I just busted you though.
Thanks for the support.
Your support gives me the green light to act like a child more often. (insert dancing banana here).
It was probably Freak trying to get to Florida in 3 hours or something.
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