This shit is insane...

So over the Thanksgiving holiday, I was hanging out with a good friend of mine, and we were talking about relationships.

In particular, we were talking about how my last two girlfriends broke up with me, then got upset with me because I didn't "fight for them."

In my defense, the first girlfriend I didn't want to fight for. She broke up with me, I let her go. It was over. Plus she was cheating on me--I had a good idea at the time she was doing it, I just chose to ignore it. It was confirmed by a friend of hers after our break up. No biggie.

The second girlfriend, though, made her own choices. She broke up with me over the phone and said she was going to look for someplace else to live (we were living together). I asked her not to move out until I got home and we could talk about it (I was away on business at the time). She said she'd think about it.

Long story short, I asked if she wanted to talk about it. She said no, there was nothing to talk about. I asked if she wanted me to move out for some time. She said no, that wouldn't help. I asked her not to sign a short term lease, she said no, it was over. I asked numerous times what the issues were, she said numerous times there was nothing to talk about, it was over.

Finally, I said fuck it, bye. There are way too many women in this world for me to try to make one happy when they won't even tell me what the problem is.

But here's the pisser, about a month after the break up, she comes to my house to pick up the remainder of things and she starts an argument. I told her she could leave because I didn't have to argue with her anymore.

She said, "You know what gets me?"

"What?" I said, sighing. I was so tired.

"You didn't even fight for me." She replied, and left.

What the fuck? She broke up with me. She told me numerous times there was nothing I could do because it was over. She took a year lease when a six month was available (something she told my sister, who told me).

So I told this to Staci (my friend).

Her reply?

"Did you send her flowers?"

"What? No. I mean I used too. But not after she said she wanted to end the relationship."

"Why not?"

"Because she acted like there was nothing I could do. She didn't want to talk about it. Fuck it. I'm not going to beg someone to stay with me."

"You didn't fight for her," Staci said, laughing.

"What the fuck? I asked her at least three times to work it out. She told me at least three times there was nothing to work out. What is wrong with you women?"

"Sometimes we like to test you guys." Staci said.

"Test? How fucking old are you?" I wasn't mad, this was fascinating.

"Test you. To make sure you love us. We want to make sure you mean what you say."

"Oh fuck that," I said. "That's fucking insecure. If someone finds the need to test my sincerity, fuck them. I'll find someone else."

"Maybe, that's why you're single," she said.

"Maybe," I replied.

Fuck, man. I may be single, but at least I don't have drama in my life.

Christ. The first secure woman I find that I'm attracted to, likes to travel, digs horror movies, won't make fun of my pussy-ass cider drink of choice and trusts me without testing me, I'm going to marry.

This shit is insane.

Maybe it's y'alls fault it sucks...

In the last entry, I said I needed to thank some people. So here it is:

First and foremost, a big thanks to Ron goes out. I would have never been aware of NaNoWriMo if he didn't bring it to my attention. I would have never have done it if he hadn't had been such a damn nagging Nancy. I'm glad I succumbed to the peer pressure.

Before I go into the other thanks, it should be mentioned that in the book (novella) I wrote, all of the characters were based on people I knew.

I'd also give a shout out to Tom and Tressa.

Tom because he answered a bunch of stupid questions without mockery. I was going to do something cool with the "Tom" character, but I ran out of words. And I'm not going back to it. Maybe next year.

Tressa because her character pretty much carried the first half to 3/4 of the book (novella). What was originally supposed to be a character that worked at a coffee shop, it developed into something completely different, someone I loved to write. I don't know what Tressa had to do with that, but she gets credit nonetheless.

Ron, Tom and Tressa are the only cats that knew I was doing this, and they kept it to themselves. I appreciate that. I wanted very few people to know what I was doing and they found out by accident (with the exception of Ron). The reason being is the more people that knew, the more support I would get. I didn't want support, though. I wanted to do this on my own, or as much on my own as I could. Plus I didn't want to talk about it too much while I did it.

Lastly, but not leastly, are the people who are in the book (novella) in one way or another. You guys obviously influenced me enough to write about in some way. In no order other than alphabetical:

Dan (DJ)
Eric (Hitman)
Matt (squ1d)
Milos (Mairosu) - I went with Chow Yun Fat.
Nicki (freakmagnet)
Ron (neon)
Rosie (GG) - thanks for trusting me.
Tom (shiki)
Tressa (uh, Tressa)

With special appearances/mentions by:

Chris (sham)
Andy (Blonde)
Fred (West)
Krystal (uh, Krystal)

And, just to be a complete ass, no, you can't read it. This, like most things in my life, was just done for me.

That said, thanks for the motivation, guys and gals. The book (novella) pretty much sucks and I shall keep the sucktitude to myself, thanks. But credit should still go where credit is do.

Wait.

Maybe it's y'alls fault it sucks.

Something to think about.

I still don't consider myself a writer...

Sometime in September, my buddy Ron emailed me and told me to do this.

I told him maybe.

He said "DO IT!"

I told him maybe.

About two weeks before the start of November, Ron emailed me again telling me to buy some book by the creator of NaNoWriMo. I did.

I didn't read past the first two chapters, but those first chapters were very well written. I just put it down and forgot about it.

About a week before the start of November, Ron emailed me again and told me to do Nano.

I told him no.

He said "Do it!"

November first rolled around. I started doing Nano.

Here's how it goes (for those who didn't click the links up there):

Write 50,000 words in one month.

That's about 1667 words a day.

That's a lot of writing.

A fuck of a lot of writing.

I went in with high expectations. I had a half ass story in my head that I figured I could develop into something more. It was about vampires and werewolves and ESP and all kinds of crazy shit. But the funny thing is, I never really got to the werewolves. Or the vampires. Or the ESP. My characters did a whole lot of running around doing nothing but eating and drinking and carrying on.

It became obvious that I should have had some sort of outline, because that damn novel (novella?) was all over the place.

But, in the end, I did it and I'm happy I did. I learned a lot.

I still don't consider myself a writer, and this whole exercise reinforced my belief about the poemboi.

I also have a new found respect for the authors out there. I never thought writing was easy (hell, my three page reviews get very tough at times), but, damn, I never realized how tough it was.

There are people to thank and people to mention, but I wrote 5,000 words today, under pressure from Ron, just so I could finish that damn project.

I'll get to those people tomorrow. I'm done writing for today.

I'm the hot one...

Which Golden Girl Are You?

We tried...

My family is so fucked up.

Back when I was ten or so, I remember getting into an argument with my sister at the dinner table.

We were going back and forth until my sister said, "God, mom. Why didn't you put him up for adoption!"

"We tried," my mom said.

"But nobody would take him," my dad finished.

"Great," my sister said. "So we're stuck with him."

I ran to my room in tears.

Happy Thanksgiving everybody.

No way. That's insane...

So I today I got some great news regarding the film I worked on last winter. Great news, indeed.

As coincidence would have it, when I was reading the email, it was the last email I checked before I head out to Michaels to get the poster from said movie framed.

I was in a rush because my pops was with me and I wanted to get the frame set up before we went to the bar to watch the Redskin game (which they lost even though it looked like that fucking runningback for Oakland fumbled, but such is life).

Anywho, we get to Michaels (and I had a 40% off coupon, which I couldn't use) and I throw the poster on the counter, pick out a frame, pic out some matting and wait for the total.

$375

Read that again.

Three hundred. Seventy-five dollars.

I looked at my father and we both started laughing. Hell, the girl who was helping me laughed too.

I said, "No way. That's insane."

She agreed, so she suggested I go buy a frame off the rack and she'll re-run the price. She told me what size frame I needed and off I went.

I came back with a frame and she did the figures again.

$98

MUCH more like what I had expected to spend. But today Michaels was having a sale. Spend a hundred bucks on custom framing, get fifty off!

I had $98.

FUCK.

I asked the girl behind the counter what I could do. She said she was already on it. (and on a side note, she completely rocked. Patient and out for me. Kudos to Michaels).

She finally suggested that I get another mat for the poster (bringing the total mat count to three). I thought it would be too much, but after it was thrown on, it looked great.

Final cost?

$80

It won't be ready for three weeks, but that's cool. I'm sure it will be worth the wait.

I swear I was adopted...

So my sister calls me last night and asks me if I remember when my mother used dress me up like a girl.

Then I would do cartwheels.

Without any underwear.

What the fuck?

I swear I was adopted.

That's what friends are for...

Thanks fnord.

You are wonderful.

Prick.

What a princess...

Yeah, the blogs aren't so frequent as of late, but I've been swamped with work and other stuff. But this story my dad told me Sunday was too good not to post.

My father and my niece, who's 9, were having a conversation the other day.

My niece turns to my father and says, "I don't like Cody."

Cody is her brother--my nephew.

"You don't? Why?" Asked my father.

"Because he's 90% jackass, which he gets from you. And he's 10% gay, which he gets from Uncle Stewie."

What a princess.

I am looking forward to the day when she gets her first boyfriend. Oh, the stories I will tell.

I'm surprised I'm still here to write about it...

Every Christmas, when I was a kid, my mom and dad would drag me and my sister over to my mother's best friend's house for Christmas dinner.

It sucked.

Because, apparently, "Christmas dinner" meant as soon as I opened all of my presents, got a quick glance at them, then we were loaded into the car to spend the whole day over there.

Think about that.

Think about being a kid on the most anticipated day of the year when you get tons of toys, only to look at what you could be playing with. Just not today.

I remember one year, it had to be 1980 or '81, when I got one of the best presents ever.

The coveted Atari 2600.

I remember the joy of opening it up and seeing what I had waited all of my life for.

The coveted Atari 2600.

With Space Invaders. With Combat. With Asteroids. With Missile Command.

It was heaven in one big box and happiness in three smaller ones.

I immediately looked to my father, master of all things electronic, and said, "Can we hook it up, now?"

"We can hook it up when we get back from Mary's," my father replied.

The pouting, crying and yelling immediately ensued, but was squashed quickly with one statement from my mother.

"If you don't stop right now, I'll take it back and you won't play it at all. Ever."

Game over. I lost.

One thing my parents did let us do when we went to Mary's was take one of our gifts with us, so we could play with it over at Mary's house. So when we got ready to leave, I picked up box the Atari was in and headed for the car.

My father stopped me at the door and marched my little ass back upstairs to pick something else out.

God I hated going to Mary's.

So instead of heaven, I grabbed the next best thing, my mattel (or coleco) handheld football game, and we headed out.

We got to Mary's house and, while my parents said their hellos and such, I headed downstairs to see what Mary's sons got for Christmas.

Imagine my very pleasant surprise when I saw that they got an Intellivision. Yes! The day was not going to suck after all.

But it did. Oh, I was so naive.

See, Mary's boys were 15 and 14. I was 10. Guess how many games I got to play? Two.

And the only reason I got to play those two games is because the boys' father came down and made them let me play. Of course, immediately after he left, I got the rabbit punches until I cried.

So, with my Atari at home and the Intellivision out of the picture, I turned to the gift I had brought with me. I could still have some fun. Not as much as I could have if I were at home, but maybe I could get through the day.

I opened the package up, took out the football game, turned it on and...

Nothing.

There was no battery.

I took it upstairs to my father and he told me what I already knew. It needed a battery.

A 9 volt battery.

A 9 volt battery that was not to be found in Mary's house.

Worst. Christmas. Ever.

To be honest, I'm surprised I'm still here to write about it. A weaker boy would have simply died.

I was going to post something completely different...

I was going to post something completely different tonight, until my buddy, Blonde, posted a news article over at HorrorTalk.

(AP) BENTONVILLE, Arkansas It looked like a crime scene, but no charges will be filed after Wayne Goldsberry killed a buck with his bare hands in his daughter's bedroom.

The engagement lasted an exhausting 40 minutes, but Goldsberry finally subdued the five-point whitetail deer that crashed through a bedroom window at his daughter's home Friday.

When it was over, blood splattered the walls and the deer lay on the bedroom floor, its neck broken.

Goldsberry was at his daughter's home when he heard glass breaking. He went back to check on the noise and found the deer.

"I was standing about like this peeking around the corner when the deer came out of the bedroom," said Goldsberry, demonstrating while peering around his kitchen wall. The deer ran down the hall and into the master bedroom - "jumping back and forth across the bed."

"I could tell he was really tearing up the place back there," Goldsberry said.

Goldsberry entered the bedroom to confront the deer and, after a brief struggle, emerged to tell his wife to call police. After returning to the bedroom, the fight continued. Goldsberry finally was able to grip the animal and twist its neck, killing it.

"He was trying to get up a corner wall and I just came in behind him and grabbed him by the horns and just started pushing down," said Goldsberry.

Goldsberry, sore from the struggle, dragged the dead animal out of the house.

Benton County Sheriff Keith Ferguson said that when he arrived he found the deer dead in the front yard. Goldsberry intended to have the deer processed for its meat.

Holy shit.

That dude is a stud.

I would never fuck with that guy. Ever.